Open Letter To This List

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> I kind of disagree. I feel that often the woman's perspective of the whole
> situation is needed.

> For example...if a woman councils with the
> pastor....he might want to discuss this with his wife,

ONLY with explicit notice to the counselee!  To violate confidentiality
like this is a gross violation of pastoral ethics.  It simply should
not be done.  While hopefully a church member would take other means to
address this grievance should it occur, violating pastor
confidentiality could be reason for a malpractice suit.

> cause she sees the situation from the woman's point of view

If the pastor feels this is important, his wife should be with him in
his office.

> whenever a woman
> coucils with the pastor, it is customary in my church that the pastor is
> accompanied by his wife while counceling....

In many (most?) churches this is policy, and it's a good one to have.

The issue we were discussing, however, is completely different.  The
pastor should never share with others -- even his wife -- information
which was given in confidentiality to him.

Even a "case study" type of approach can be dangerous: the pastor may
discuss with his wife the issues without naming names, but the wife
very well might be able to fill in the blanks.  Be very careful!

> And as far as I see it...the pastor and the pastor's wife are a
> team....because....she is often asked church things, she takes care of the
> women in the church, comforting them, giving advice, organizing women's
> activities and so on...so I would say...she helps her husband in the church
> too.

At Apostolic Life UPC, *everybody* is a part of the team.  My wife
organized a rather ambitious pastor appreciation program and was able
to pull it off because of teamwork.  We counsel with one another in the
church.  We give advice to each other.  We cook meals for one another.
We've helped each other out financially.  We visit each other in the
hospital.  Just about the entire church is involved in outreach and
visitation.  We pray for one another.  This does not mean that the
pastor should share to the congregation what was given to him in
confidentiality.

There's even the gossip and backbiting and occasional hurt feeling that
will associate ANY group of people who work closely together, but we
repent and forgive and move on with ministry.

Richard Masoner
Champaign Illinois USA