Open Letter To This Lis

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  REGARDING           Re: Open Letter To This List


>A Pastors wife is *honor bound* to keep to her 
>self all things her husband shares with her about 
>the saints, >other ministers, church business, 
>etc.

Correction: all wives (pastors or plumbers) are bound to keep confidentiality.
 It is a PROMISE between two people.

>It is a violation of the sacred marital trust 
>between husband / wife for her to share things 
>her husband has told her in confidence (with 
>other people) without his approval.

Fine point: AND the person who trusted the pastor and his wife, if the wife
was included in the trust.  If the wife wasn't included, there is a reason. 
After all, it is that person's life, not the pastor's.

>A ministers wife also has a "calling" to 
>support her husband and it is not wrong to 
>share things with your spouse.*****

Non-sequitir logic above.  Yes, a wife has a duty and a responsibility to
support her husband, the pastor.  A "calling."  I don't know, but I don't want
to debate that now.  However, to then say (by implication) that it isn't wrong
for a pastor to tell his wife anything he "feels" doesn't hold true.  You
haven't biblically, or logically, proved that.

>The bible says the two become *One* flesh, 
>thus you are sharing it with your own self.

Re-read the above to yourself slowly, look at your husband in his time-space
location and look at yourself in yours.  Then tell me it makes sense.  Perhaps
your application of the bible doesn't fit the interpretation.  What do you
think?

>God does not create divisions in the 
>marriage relationship.  He has created 
>the marriage relationship and is for its 
>unity. Regardless to which office God calls 
>the man.***

It still doesn't follow that a pastor has the right to blab what he will to
his wife, ESPECIALLY, as regards HIS job as pastor.  There is nothing divisive
in a marriage about a keeping the contents of pastoral counseling
confidential.  That is, unless the wife gives him "the business" for not
telling him what her flesh wants to know, or acts suspicious if he doesn't
"tell all."

I used to have a job about which I can say nothing.  Nothing big, exciting, or
illegal.  It is just confidential.  Confidential to the point that I can't and
won't say anything to my wife about it.  I signed documents and PROMISED not
to say anything about this job to ANYONE.  

Trust me.  The consequences of my telling anyone about my old job get smaller
and more insignificant with time.  Does that release me from my promise?  No! 
Does my marriage abrogate that promise?  No!  Further, the secrets of my old
job have a smaller potential for screwing up lives than a pastor with a loose
mouth and a gossipy wife.  In addition, my wife has bigger fish to fry than
some silly job for which I was not paid enough.  

The bottom line is one's honor and the trust a member can have in his or
pastor to complete a PROMISE.

>In the case mentioned , about the pastors wife 
>who violated her husbands trust and spread the 
>confidential information all over the church let 
>me say this.....That woman is a Gossip. Gossip 
>is a sin.  And If she does not repent and change 
>her ways  she will be making her eternal home 
>where the worm dieth not! Gossipers go the same 
>place as Liars , read it for yourself.

Save your wrath for the weak man who has not the spirit of discernment over
his own wife, nor the authority.  We have a problem in the church with men who
won't take leadership over their lives, and the lives of their families and
put them all in check.  I'm tired of minister's wives with "cute" bangs, or
long hair and long tongues.  I despair when I see men so afraid of their
children's walking away from the truth if holy standards are imposed, only to
see them walk away from that truth BECAUSE holy standards (the word) aren't
the government of family life.  

>(not to mention the damage that she does to her 
>husbands ministry) His peoples lack of confidence
>in him, the lack of respect of other ministers 
>in that he does not have his house in order.***

Which in this case is well deserved.  He shouldn't have broken the confidence
and she shouldn't have spoken out of turn.

>As for as the other (injured) party,....... 
>Forgive..........! Jesus told them what? 70 
>times 7 in one day??? A little quick math 
>anyone? 490 times in one day we must forgive 
>the same person for doing the same thing , 
>over, and over, an over.

That hardly does any justice for the poor souls who thought they could get a
godly solution to their problem, only to have a homily delivered.

>Get IT?  No matter what they do to you....
>No matter what they say about you....
>No matter how many times...
>Even If you think they did it on purpose...
>YOUR Responsibility is to forgive.

True, but how about the saint's responsibility to abstain from all appearance
of evil, that appearance being the gossiping between a husband and wife?  How
about the responsibility of the saint to conspicuously avoid injuring another
saint or soul?

>Dont you worry about them, If they dont repent, 
>their punishment will be more than suffiient !
>God is THE JUDGE.....

>But back to the problem...
>The pastors wife in question has a severe problem 
>and needs help, and Much Prayer.

It would appear also that her husband ought to remove the stumbling block
also, and not tell her anything that might cause her to sin again.  He needs
prayer to stop his tongue moving also.

>As a rule , again The two shall become one 
>flesh.... The man has not sinned in sharing his 
>concerns with his wife. It is the wife who 
>sinned.

Sis: you're a pastor's wife, aren't you?  Does your husband tell you
everything that is said in his counseling sessions, REGARDLESS of the wishes
of the counsel-ee?  

>A womans point of View.

But hardly God's.  At least, I haven't seen the proof.

My apologies for being so direct in this letter, but you don't seem to
understand that this is more concerned with caring about fragile people's
lives than someone's privilege to be on the inside of all the gossip that
occurs in church.  It's more about responsibility to the injured than the
right of the pastor and the wife to gossip. 

Bro. Steven