The OJ Trial... by Dr Seuss ... and more .... nyuk, nyuk

• Messages sorted by:[ date ][ thread ][ subject ][ author ]

The OJ trial as Told by Dr. Seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! hey, leave it be!

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through LA, from side to side.
>From north to south, we took a ride.
But from the cops we could not hide.

My trial lasted for a year.
A year! A year! just sitting here!
The DNA, the HEM-The HAW!
The circus-hype The viewers saw!
A year! A year! just sitting here!
And lawyers charge by the hour I fear!

If I'm found guilty I will appeal!
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine- I'll cut a deal!
If it's "not guilty" so glad I'll feel

Did you do this awful crime?
Did you do this anytime?
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.

Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.

Did you hit her from above.
Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free- Give back my glove!!!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Pig With A Wooden Leg
 
   A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost 
his way and got of the main highway. 

    As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and 
pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in 
mud.  Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange.  
He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked 
a third time.  He wondered if he had seen correctly - it 
looked like a pig with a wooden leg!

   He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the 
farmyard, where he was met by the farmer.  "Excuse me," 
the traveler said.  "I was just driving by and looking 
at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had 
to stop and ask about.  Tell me, did I see right?  Is 
there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?"

   The farmer smiled.  "Oh, that would be old Caesar you 
saw.  He's the finest pig a man could ever hope to have - 
and smart!  Well, let me tell you a little about that pig.
You see that barge down there on the river? That's a 
mining dredge, taking out platinum ore.  Old Caesar sniffed 
out the vein and showed us how to set it up.  Now that 
dredge brings me in about $120,000 every year.

  "There's another thing, too, a little more personal.  One 
night a couple of years ago I got to drinking and I guess I
had more than I should have.  I passed out drunk, fell down
and knocked over a lamp.  That started a fire in the house 
and old Caesar smelled the smoke.  He came in the back door, 
got the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out.

   There is no question about it - that night old Caesar 
saved all our lives and you know that is not the sort of 
thing a man is going to forget too easily."

   "Why," the traveler said, "this is all amazing!  I have 
never heard of a pig like this before!  This is fantastic!  
But tell me, how did he get that wooden leg?  Was he in a 
wreck or something?"

    The farmer laughed and said, "Well, naturally, when you 
have a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at one 
time!"

--
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."