45 Fun Things to Do on a Paper ... nyuk, nyuk
Tyler Nally (tnally@iquest.net)
Sun, 16 Nov 1997 00:21:00 -0500
45 Fun Things to Do on a Paper You Don't Care About
1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big
fonts with really small fonts.
2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in
by sticking them all over the professor's door.
4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the
names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your
roommate led the Spanish Armada.
5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss
whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and
sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to
keep your dog from eating it.
9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you
can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class
really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions
created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the
paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what
the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture
is worth 1000 words, right?
11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer
crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve
the original.
12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your
bibliography.
13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages
of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's
desk.
14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and
explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains
sensitive military information and is only available on a
"need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says
you should get an 'A'.
15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say
that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
16. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher
confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the
letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper
in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia,
so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for
chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your
primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you
until the next full moon.
19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say
that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and
it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on
the road.
20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When
questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual.
After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
21. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper,
perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the
paper and correct all your typos.
22. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style,
and hand that in.
23. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that
might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
24. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from
several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several
different perspectives on your work.
25. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
26. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it
and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such
an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly
express what you had to say.
27. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and
Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the
other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
28. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
29. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a
member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous
slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used
in writing assignments.
30. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the
words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at
the time.
31. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only
a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
32. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by
crows on the way to class.
33. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text
overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
34. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is
"less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why
Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both
philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
35. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
36. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for
pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and
other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example),
an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence
{[_-\|/??!]}.
37. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the
picture as a resource.
38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and
screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class
a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell,
"There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all
through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
39. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in
the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the
horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
40. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For
example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in
Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman
empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
41. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example,
call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
42. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's
whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
43. Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty
Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
44. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the
outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
45. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote
it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action"
Editors Note: Ok, ok, I guess I started doing silly stuff like
this in 8th grade. I've got to tell someone, and you get to hear..
I used to do my own version of #17 (put a recipe in the middle
of a paper) In mine I would write "If you are reading this, please
put your initials here _____" And they never did!
Why didn't I think to do it in college too?
--
______ ___ __ _____ __ __ __ __ tnally@iquest.net
|_ _| \ | | _ | | | | \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
| | | |\\| | _ | |__| |__ | | T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
|__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__| a terrible thing to waste."