Turkey fixin's ... nyuk, nyuk
Tyler Nally (tnally@iquest.net)
Wed, 26 Nov 1997 09:49:59 -0500
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
THANKSGIVING OUTLOOK
by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book,
"Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts,
and Fun in Forecasting", by Norm Macdonald
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if
you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will
slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches
on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry
sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire
area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the
evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping
to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches
will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days
with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect
a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating
pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.
WHAT'S THANKSGIVING WITHOUT SOME TURKEYS
---------------------------------------------
Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like
a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his
gravy!
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful
for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankfull
that I'm not a turkey."
What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.
Q. What sound does a space turkey make?
A. hubble, hubble, hubble.
Keep your eye off the turkey dressing
It makes him blush!!!!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
Because they never learned good table manners!
All the grandkids were visiting for Thanksgiving. Before
dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful
for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren.
Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose
and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made
rolls. Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint
on her face. When what was the matter, she replied, "I'm just
praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings."
----------------
A HISTORY LESSON
----------------
PILGRAM INTERUPTERS
excerpts from a book called "Then Some Other Things Happened",
a collection of short pieces about history written
by eigth graders and compiled by Bill Lawrence, a teacher
and columnist.
The Pilgrams were a bunch of English wonderers who wanted to worship
as they wanted to. They excaped the Church of England and came over
here because they heard that American churches were different.
The May Flower was the ship with which they came in. It didn't have
a bathroom on board so there was quite an oder. Priscillia Mullins
was the captain.
First the Pilgrams had gone to Holland but left when their children
started developing customs there. After a stopover at Williamsbug
when a large storm blew them off course they landed on a big,
slimey rock in Massatusetts. They spent the winter there.
Before they got off the ship even they drew up an agreement for
the people of Plymouth to agree on the voting for governors and
congressmen. They kept this hid in the May Flower Compact.
Lord Delaware was elected the first governor of Plymouth Rock.
A friendly Indian named Rhone Oak showed the Pilgrams how to plant
corn by putting it in the ground. Rhone Oak had been the first
Indian to come to America and always wanted a beer. He traveled
around with Miles Standy and translated language. He knew enough
English to interupt.
Another interupter for the white man was Squanto, who was called
that because he was so short. Squanto drew up a declaration to
give the settlers freedom of goverment in the new land. The
Pilgrams gave the Indians thanks for all this and that's what
started Thanksgiving.
The Pilgrams then appointed Thanksgiving as a national holiday.
Abraham Lincoln later pronounced it and gave it to them and it
soon became a national holiday all around the world.
These people always wore old shoes with a big buckel on the top
of them. The men wore pants that only came a little ways past
the knees and the girls wore funny bonets.
But if these people wouldn't had of come to America the
United States wouldn't be like it is today.
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COOKING ADVICE
----------------
Excerpts from: A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
Grace - Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put
brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and
then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in
a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees.
Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.
Alan - Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the
oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on
plates and then you eat it.
Lauren - Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan.
Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on
it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces.
Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take
out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a
little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.
--
______ ___ __ _____ __ __ __ __ tnally@iquest.net
|_ _| \ | | _ | | | | \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
| | | |\\| | _ | |__| |__ | | T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
|__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__| a terrible thing to waste."